An Update to my Update :)

Since writing the last post, nothing has changed in an employment sense, but I wanted to let you know some of the things God has been teaching me. I still struggled this week with fatigue and the unknown, but that faith – confidence – that God will come through in the 11th hour – so that He alone will receive the glory – has been growing in me.

It helped that we were reading in the beginning of Judges, and I was reminded of the story of Gideon and the 300 men (Judges 6:11-7:25). (Bear with me if you know the story… :) ) There are many things in this story that I don’t fully understand but the wisdom I was supposed to glean from it this time was this – Gideon and an army of 32,000 men were to defeat an army that was “as numerous as locus covering the valley; and their camels were without number, as numerous as the sand of the seashore.” That sounds like a lot of warriors. To me, it would be overwhelming. Then an interesting thing happens. God begins to have Gideon send some of his army home! And not just a few! Only 300 men are left to fight this vast army. Here’s what struck me - the reason that God gives for instructing Gideon to do this is this, “The Lord said to Gideon, ‘The people who are with you are too many for Me to give Midian into their hands, lest Israel become boastful, saying, ‘My own power has delivered me.’’” (!!!) God reminded me that He does what we see as impossible so that there is no doubt that it is He who delivers us! “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God!” (Ps 20:7) Although I am to be faithful and actively pursue employment, it will ultimately be God who provides for me, not my stellar cover letter and resume skills. ;)

Again, a week later, I spent the evening with the church. It was so heartening to hear different perspectives on what we read and to see how they all fit together to encourage each of us. I am sharpened by seeing how others interact with God and live out their faith in Him. And I am strengthened by their support and encouragement to keep pressing on and believe that He will provide for me.

Speaking of which, as I looked over my finances this last week, (and a few timely reimbursement checks came in the mail, along with a few more hours working for friends), it looks like I have almost half the money so far for my September bills – Thank You Lord!!

(I’ll confess – I have had a “glass half empty” moment and thought – but I still have a lot to go – but I’m going to take that thought captive and rejoice in God’s provision – one day at a time!!!)

I was also reminded this week, that in my weakness – He is strong! He is stretching me and helping me learn what this means in new ways. Ways that I won’t be able to understand unless I go through seasons like this where I feel my weaknesses so acutely!

Well, I’m going to try to go back to sleep. :) I couldn’t sleep – this post kept going over and over in my mind… So I decided to get up and put it down on paper – or in this case, on microchips. :)

I would love to share in your journey! When you have time, please drop me a note about how you are doing and how I can be an encouragement to you.

Still clinging to Him, Kerrie

(This just in: I just received information that the cost of my health insurance is going up considerably – again! This is the second increase since I left my job [it is kinda like a COBRA plan, I can’t get individual HI]. In addition, my coverage ends in October. I thought I would have insurance through a job by the time this ran out. So if I don’t, that’s another prayer request – I’m not sure what to do about it…)

Clinging to Him

This update is a little overdue! I can’t believe it’s been 7 months since my last post!! Sorry!

I was just spending time with my church this evening and I was reminded of the blessings that God gives us when we live in community with one another – bearing one another’s burdens and sharing in each other’s joys! It is so great to read God’s word together and let Him speak through each of us as He will. Again, I am so thankful that He’s provided a wonderful home church for me here in Poway! Who knew!

I’d love to tell you in this update that I have it all figured out and that I now see all the reasons why God has sent me on this journey and that I know what He has next for me, but… that’s not the case! I’m still watching and waiting.

A verse I read this week has stuck with me – in Joshua 23:6-11, Joshua is talking to the Israelites, it is near the end of his life and he is encouraging them that if they stay faithful to God that God will continue to fulfill all His promises to them. Part of what he says is, “You are to cling to the LORD your God…” That picture of clinging to the Lord has been a great comfort to me. I started this journey with the picture of daily holding God’s hand; looking to Him for guidance. But as time has worn on, my hand has sometimes slipped and I try to fix things on my own until I realize that my hand is no longer in His. He gently reminds me that He will guide me and I put my hand back into His only to repeat the cycle sometime later. I don’t know how God works with you, but I have seen that it’s always His gentleness and love that draw me back to Him when I seem to have started doing things on my own (Romans 2:4). I needed that reminder this week – to cling to Him!

I have been looking for work now for 7 months and I have come to the end of my savings. My savings should have run out about mid July, but God provided some odd jobs for me to do and I should be able to pay all my bills for August! Thank You, Father! I have applied to so many jobs and in so many different fields I was certain I would have something by now. I have been confident that God would provide, but this week with September’s bills coming soon and no savings or job in sight to be able to pay them – I have begun to wonder if God will provide the way I’m expecting Him to. I’ve realized I have no Plan B. :) Plan A was step out in faith in the direction that God leads me, apply for jobs and trust for God to provide. Part of me wonders if maybe He won’t provide in the way I thought He would (through a job). I have no idea how else He may provide. So I need prayer and encouragement to continue to cling to Him.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have a warm place to live, I have food to eat, and clothes to wear – He has provided so much for me. I have just never been in a place before where I wasn’t able to pay my bills – I’m not sure what to do. Long ago I got rid of any unnecessary expenses but with health insurance, car insurance, student loans, gas… I have over a thousand dollars due the beginning of September and again each month after that.

Because I have tended to be a worrier in the past, I am surprised that it has taken me this long to be concerned about my lack of a job. However, that shows me how much God has grown my faith in these past few years. Apparently, I still have a lot of growth to go through! :) I feel like He’s going to come through in the 11th hour – I’ve seen Him do it so many times before – especially on my trip cross country! But the thoughts that have been coming to me more and more frequently this week have been – what if I’m wrong, what if I’m supposed to be focusing my efforts in a different direction, what if He has provided for my needs (shelter, food) but He won’t provide for my bills….so many questions of whether or not I’m doing it right. As I take every thought captive, I am still confronted with the question of whether or not I should be doing something differently.

As I pray about that, I haven’t been given any answers. Are my questions nudges to change direction or temptations to doubt God’s provision??? Good friends and family have encouraged me to keep pressing on, not to give up – maybe it’s not an accident that I have been reading though Joshua with my church these last few weeks. The theme that comes up over and over again in Joshua is, “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (All my kids in Maryland should know that one!!!) :)

I have also been reminded that even if I am making mistakes, that God can make beauty even out of our mistakes if we are seeking Him. I falter between seeking God and just seeking a job - and sometimes I strike the right cord of doing both! For some reason, I have faith that God is going to come through in what I may see as the last minute or the “11th hour” – but if He wants me to be preparing in some other way, I’m not sure what that is or what I’m supposed to be doing. It's beginning to feel like 11:30.

So please keep me in your prayers –
Please pray for strength as I go through these growing pains :)
Please pray for guidance if I do need to be focusing somewhere else
And please pray for provision to be able to pay my upcoming bills

I can’t wait to rejoice with you all over the answers to these prayers!! And to send an update to let you all know how God came through and how He provided, yet again!!!

Clinging to Him, Kerrie ♥