Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Overwhelmed by God…

Detour number … oh I lost count… :)

In the past few weeks, I have gone through some difficult days and yet God has spoken over me in amazing ways. I am overwhelmed by His greatness, vastness, immenseness… I can’t even put it into words… I have been struggling with it for weeks. It has been truly humbling and overwhelming to be confronted with just a glimpse of it…

A few weekends ago, I was feeling very alone after being on the road for 3 month and not being in constant fellowship with anyone, yet meeting and staying with new people constantly.

Another detour took me from Wichita Falls, TX (where I was staying with my sister) to Dallas. While in Dallas, I visited an organic church called Awaking Chapel (thanks Randy & Adele for the connection to Joseph Catrwright). It was an amazing example of how God’s church can function with each believer being able to act in the gifts that the Holy Spirit gives. It was beautiful and encouraging.

I got completely lost on my way to the meeting so I arrived late (fyi - mapquest and Dallas roads do not go together :)) They were singing when I walked in, so I didn’t get a chance to meet anyone until afterward. No one but Joseph, one of the leaders, knew my story of traveling and that I would be visiting that night.

During one point in the evening, one of the other men in the church was asked if he had anything to share. He looked at me and asked my name and where I was from. Then he shared that while we were singing and praying, God had given him a picture of me carrying a suitcase. He said something along the lines of, “I don’t know what it means, but it’s a picture of you with just one suitcase,” and then he said that God kept bringing the word “Faith” to him over and over again. He continued saying something like, “you’re on a journey of faith. Not like we may talk about faith in our everyday lives, but dramatic faith. Needing faith for each step and each day. You won’t always know the answers but you will have to exercise faith and trust God.”

I can’t remember everything he said because I was a little blown away. I just remember the picture of me carrying the suitcase and that He kept talking about faith over and over again. He was so right on! My journey has been a daily walk of faith (even though I falter all through it). Joseph looked amazed and looked from me to the young man and said “I didn’t tell them you were coming or about your journey! That was all God!” I was so blessed to see God work through His church this way. I did not grow up in churches where we were encouraged to “participate” in the meeting or worship time (or whatever you want to call it), by being able to, in a free and orderly manner, speak what we heard God saying to the church or use our spiritual gifts to edify one another. (Unless you consider teaching children the only spiritual gift – because that one was always needed and encouraged :)) I have prayed and asked God to see Him work in this way through His church; the way He designed us to be - encouraging one another, spurring one another on, and lifting each other up… Everyone participating as God leads, not mere bystanders watching a speaker or performance. I am amazed again by how God has answered my prayers!

After he shared that with us, I told them a little about my journey and that I had been struggling the last few days. They asked to pray with me and one of the older women said, “She’s a pastor.” I thought she meant I worked at a church as a children’s pastor before I started traveling. I hadn’t met her yet and wondered if someone had told her. Joseph asked her what she meant and she said that when I walked in the door, God said to her, “she’s a pastor.” This was a huge confirmation to me because God showed me in my teens that He had designed me that way. However, since I attended a Baptist church, I was taught that women could not be pastors. So I was confused and thought “I can’t be my spiritual gift?” Since then, I have come to understand what the bible means when it talks about the pastor/sheppard function (they are the same word in the bible). It’s not a job or a position in the church, as we commonly call the man in the pulpit who preaches and “runs” the traditional modern church. Biblically, a pastor is someone who sheppards people, gathering them, caring for them, walking with them in their journey, discipling them…

As they prayed for me, God continued to speak words of encouragement to me through them. By the end of the evening, God was confirming for me that He wanted to solidify my understanding of my identity in Him. I have gone through different times in my life alternating between understanding and trusting and then not trusting my identity and relationship with Him. So this is the journey I am on now. To really understand my identity in Him. It’s humbling, a little scary, a stripping away of everything I find my identity in except Him.

I had several offers to stay in Dallas and wondered about whether I should continue on in the direction of CA or stay. Through Joseph, I was able to get in touch with another organic church in Globe, AZ. So after much prayer, I continued on my journey to Arizona.

I took the trip in three parts. The first day, I drove to Odessa, TX and stayed with my sister’s, sister-in-law. The next day I drove through Roswell, NM on my way to Albuquerque. I spent a few hours wondering around Roswell. (Follow the link below to see some fun pictures.) The third day, I drove to Globe, AZ. Driving through New Mexico brought a smile to my face. It reminded me of the drive through the Mojave desert to Ridgecrest, CA from San Diego, up the 395. The drive from Albuquerque to northern AZ was beautiful!!! The pictures don’t do it justice, the colors were so rich. From northern AZ to Globe (about 1 ½ hours east of Phoenix), I drove through some forests, reservations, and the Salt River Canyon. It was truly breathtaking! Gorgeous!! For about 2 hours I was driving through a windy mountain road. About an hour into the drive, my car started making some whining noises and felt like it wasn’t driving as well. It was dusk, I had no cell service and I began wondering what I would do if my car decided it couldn’t make it. I began praying and singing praises and I was so thankful when I finally saw signs of a city. :)

God has gotten my old, beat up car farther than I ever thought it could go (and farther than I really know it has gone, since the odometer stopped over 3 years ago!) I am so thankful for His protection on this journey alone with Him across the country. The song that keeps coming to my mind as I write this is, “Lord, I’m amazed by You. Lord, I’m amazed by You, and how You love me…” Although, I don’t always “feel” that love, I am reminded that love is not a feeling, it’s a choice. I can trust God’s love for me even when (especially when) I don’t “feel” it. Experiences like this trip are memorials, reminders, that I can look back on and see God’s love and provision in action. What memorials are in your life? Times that you can look back on, when you are wondering in the desert, of how He has shown His love to you? I hope to get another update to you soon.

To see pictures from Wichita Falls, TX, click here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=51550&l=b07d5&id=672092186
To see pictures from my travels from TX to NM (including Roswell, NM), click here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=55588&l=241b5&id=672092186
Pictures of Arizona will be in the next update...

Can’t wait to hear from you guys, love, Kerrie

1 comment:

HL said...

How wonderful this journey has been to "walk" with you - reading each step; spending time in prayer for you; and on the phone with you! Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with each of us - and for being my Pastor. I'm thanking God for the time He's given me with you; for the friendship; for the mentoring, direction, and encouragement you've given me. May God continue to Bless you on your journey with the King!

HL